All right, I'll be up front with you. I'm a weasly obnoxious muggle. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have wanted to be born a muggle. Who does? Blame it on my genes, I guess. Yeah, I don't believe in magic. Hah! Name me any muggle who does. The other night when walking along a rather secluded Sixth Avenue, a bus flashed right by me. One moment it was there, the next it wasn't. I couldn't be sure. On another occasion I was returning from Upper Thomson Road, when I thought I saw a car flying towards Bishan. Was it my eyes playing tricks? Nah! Harry Potter and his ilk live in England, over six thousand miles away from Singapore. They wouldn't be seen in this vicinity, not for a thousand years. Then last Thursday, I was walking along a crowded Orchard Road, when I accidentally knocked down a little girl. Actually I didn't knock her down, only the rather large shopping bag she was holding. She was very angry with me. Suddenly, quite out of the blue, she pulled out a wand, pointed it straight at me, and gave me a curse. Well, I was shocked, of course. Being cursed right in the middle of Orchard Road. It's not the done thing in Singapore. I was just about to blaspheme her with a plethora of pungent profanities when I held myself in check. I wasn't going to allow her to blow me up like a balloon and float away into oblivion. I would abide by the laws of the land. I was thinking that if chewing gum was banned in Singapore, then surely wands and other such instrumentation would also be banned, wouldn't they? Let me check that up. Could this little girl be attending a mainstream school, or a special school for magic? Indeed, how would such a school ever get registered with our Ministry of Education? The syllabus would be thrown out before you can say "National Education." And what about discipline? Who would be able to enforce corporal punishment on these miscreants? What jobs would such graduates be suitable for? Actors for the next Harry Potter movie? Let me digress. One question for JK Rowling: "Why do you always portray us muggles as muddled, unimaginative, and stupid? Hey, we have some good points too. I'm sure we do. Don't we?" Hell, I don't believe in all this fancy magic and flying broomstick stuff. Who does anyway? Hah!
by Muggle Ken